Upon turning 40 - day 3

Day 3. May 29, 2010 - Adventures in Me-he-co
We are all a little tired, but today is a big day because we dock in Cozumel. We have the whole day here. Mom has decided to use her winnings from the casino to pay for an excursion. We decide to try to go to Cancun to an Eco-park but that trip is full so we have to come up with another plan quickly. We decide to go on an off road vehicle jungle trek on the east coast of the island.

After getting off the ship and  driving for a while we pulled off by a row of jeep like ATVs. These little buggies carried 2 passengers. Dani drove with Dee and mom rode with me. We had a caravan of about 10 buggies. The guides took us on a winding, bumpy, dusty tour of the east coast that ended at a small Mayan lighthouse ruin on a rocky outcropping. The whole thing was exhilarating and beautiful. Afterwards we went to a beautiful resort on a white beach and had a nice lunch and a margarita. Not bad for a last minute idea.

We were really tired after our adventure, but we still managed to do some shopping. In Mexico it is appropriate to haggle. The venders were pretty aggressive. At first it was intimidating but then I got into it and had fun. I don't know that I got great deals but I think I got fair prices. After that I headed back to the ship by myself. I was so tired. I have been fighting a cold since the first night on the ship. I needed to get some rest. Mom came soon after. Dee followed and Dani just made it back before we sailed. She was playing at Senor Frog's with some of her new ship friends. That Dani! Hehe!

We laid around for a bit and then managed to get showered and dressed for dinner. We decided to dress up again since we had such a good time the night before. It was Italian night. The wait staff sang an Italian love song for us.  Remember they are Indian. No one on staff is Italian. They tried. It was a good effort.  The Italian passengers might have been offended though. :)

Afterwards we went to look at some of the pictures that the photographers took of us. We bought quite a few. At 10 and 20 bucks per picture they made lots of money off us! Again we split up for the evening activities. Mom and I went to the casino and Dani and Dee went to find their new clubbing and karaoke friends.

After losing more money at the casino than on the whole trip I decided to leave a bit early. I caught up with Dee and we went out on deck. The moon was out and shone off the water. It was quite beautiful. The wind was strong, but warm. We talked and/or walked for a over an hour mostly about Jalen and how she is trying to get him to think seriously about college. She is going to have him call me.

In bed by midnight. Dani got in about 5am. Not really sure what she was doing. Have learned not to ask. I think she is having fun though. She is pretty well known on the ship. Lots of people stop by to say hi and tell her how much fun she is. Being an entertainer she enjoys the spotlight. That's not my thing. I am content to just hang out relax and do my own thing. I think Dee is enjoying the glow of the spotlight. She is doing her best to keep up with Dani. She occasionally gets mistaken for Dani. I think she likes that. She is enjoying taking a few days off from being a wife and mother. Mom is just chillin' and we are all smiling a lot! Glad we are all having fun. To each her own

Upon turning 40-day 2

Day 2 - May 28, 2010 Heading Nowhere Fast
Reached Key West early at 7am. Got dressed and realized how small a room with 4 women and 2 plugs is. Had breakfast in the main dining room.

Headed out for our White Knuckle speedboat tour.  The tour operators were a family. They were from Minnesota. The had moved to Key West to find a new adventure. Their previous occupation was operating a nursing home for Alzheimer's patients. Sounds like they needed the change. The speedboat ride was fun. We definitely got wet. Good thing we wore swimsuits. The son drove the boat. The dad took our picture as we sped up to make our first spin. The picture shows the last time we were dry! The boat was specially made with a jet engine so that it had no propeller blades. This was to protect the wildlife from injury. It also allowed for tight turns and spins in very shallow water. It was as shallow as 2 feet in some places. Many times we could have gotten out and walked.

Everything was going great until...the boat sputtered and finally stopped dead in the water. We thought it was part of the tour to pretend we were stuck in the middle of the harbor and would have to get out and push. When our guide went to the back of the boat to check the engine and then fell into the water which he promptly stood up in we thought he was just trying to show is the depth of the water. However when he got back in and got on the radio to call his dad telling him we had engine trouble we got a little nervous. Knowing that the water is just chest deep is not that comforting if you think that you are going to have to be in it unexpectedly. Worse is that he informed us that sharks and rays are common in the shallows.  Luckily, a passing boat saw the distress and offered us a tow back to the dock. The trip was 15 mins short but it was fun while it lasted and we ended up with a good story to tell.

Next we dried off and headed back toward the pier and explored some of the shops and looked at the outdoor life like sculptures. I had my first Conch fritters, a local favorite. Very good! Dani and Dee split off from us and found some Key Lime pie.

Back on the ship we got cleaned up and then grabbed something to eat from the buffet. Did I mention the food was great yet? Once we were underway Dani, Dee, and I found deck chairs and took a nap!

Evening
Tonight is the formal dinner. Everyone had to wear cocktail attire or higher. It was fun dressing up for dinner. Our servers were Singh and Jordan. Both were Indian. The head waiter was Indian too. The night before these men had tried to sing me Happy Birthday. This is not a common song in India so despite practice (there were a lot of birthdays) they just couldn't sing it very well. It became funnier and funnier. That was just about the worst singing of Happy Birthday I ever heard. But at least they tried!

After dinner it was picture  night. They had a whole army of photographers with different backdrops taking pictures. We got a few nice shots which of course they charged extra to take home, but of course we had to buy a few!  Next we went to a Broadway style musical review in the theatre. It was well done with good singers and dancers.

Then we split up. Mom and I went to the casino and Dani and Dee went to the karaoke and piano bar again. I broke even. Mom won about 500 dollars! Not a bad was to end our second day at sea!

Upon turning 40- day 1

I am now 41, but last year I turned 40 and decided to celebrate the new decade by going on my first cruise (from Ft. Lauderdale to Key West to Cozumel, Mex.) with my mother and sisters Debra (Dee) 5 years older and Danielle (Dani) 1.5 years younger.  The next few entries are from my diary of that trip which was kept on my cell phone notes file.  Later, I will probably come back and edit these and maybe think about the entries on different levels, but for now I am posting them as is as a little snapshot of what I was doing the first 5 days of my 5th decade.

Diary May 27, 2010 (Welcome to 40 and a little nausea)
Day 1 of our cruise was great! We all arrived the evening before and stayed at my Uncle Bill's house near Orlando, got a good night's sleep and then got up at a leisurely pace and drove to the Everglades Port in Ft. Lauderdale to board our ship. Boarding was easy and uneventful. We got settled in our tiny but nice state room then went through the safety drill and were rewarded with a fun dance sail away party.

We had dinner early. Then Dani went to find her luggage which was "detained". Dee and mom saw a show and I took some much needed alone time in the room. I was really tired and the boat rocking did not help, bit I feel better now. Later we all met at the casino for a King favorite pastime, playing the slots! In the end I lost 10 bucks. No profit but at least I did not lose my shirt!

Next mom and I went for an evening walk around the ship an Dani and Dee went to watch Dani sing karaoke. Mom and I caught the tail end of her first song. Mom went to bed and Dee and I watched her last song. She was a hit of course. Then we stopped at the piano bar and we all sang for another hour after which I went to the room leaving Dee to tend to Dani. Good luck with that! Today being my birthday made everything even better! Big day in Key West tomorrow. More later.

I'm BAACK!

After a 2 year hiatus This Too Shall Pass is back in business! If you are new to my blog then you can read my old posts to get an idea about who I am. In the last two years lots of things have happened...but I am essentially the same girl next door with attitude. Catch you later with the latest new rant.

More Nephew Love!

My Nephew Robert turned 1 May 30. I am a proud auntie. Here are some pictures and video

Robert with his Mommy Celeste a week before

his birthday.

Happy family!

Cake!

Lots of presents. He was more interested in the boxes and paper.

Meeting my Nephew

This weekend I met my new Nephew Robert. He is 7 weeks old. I am completely biased when I say he is an awesome little guy! Yes, I am a proud Auntie so I am posting pictures!

Sleeping little angel

Mama's baby boy

Auntie and Nephew

Daddy and boy

Never too early for a nap!

More nap time

A little lap time

Upon my 38th birthday

As I begin my 39th year, my last year in my 30s, I try hard to see myself as who I am, a person who is sometimes less than grateful for all the blessings she has in life. I sometimes forget these blessings while bemoaning the things I don't have. Why is it that it is easier to see the problems than the positives? Why is it easier to see myself as a childless oldmaid rather than a loved friend, aunt, sister and daughter? I know that my blessings outweigh my troubles, but still I do sometimes get lost. So, as I begin the last year of my 30s (39 begins my 40th year) I will try to step back and assess the good fortune of my life while weighing it against the minor griefs I have and try to live in the moment and not dwell on the sorrows of the past or obsess over the uncertainly of my future. Easier said than done I know, but that is my wish and my birthday gift to myself. Happy Birthday to me!

Written on May 25, 2008

Funeral for Sione

Originally posted Thursday, August 09, 2007 on Myspace

I attended the funeral for the father of a friend of mine recently. The man was Tongan (as in from the south pacific island Kingdom of Tonga). The funeral was attended largely by native Tongans and their American born children. The language was almost exclusively tongan (if you have never heard it, it's not like any language I've every heard). Few people in the world speak it. As I sat trying to understand what I was seeing and hearing, I composed this poem.

"Funeral for Sione"
I am the outsider
The stranger
I am in a church but out of my element
I feel vulnerable
I hear but do not understand
I strain to find the meaning
My ears ache for english
FRUSTRATION
But as I quiet my discomfort I discern the feeling behind the words
For hearts understand what no words can express
The love for a father, husband, brother, and friend who will be sadly missed
No translation needed

Vengeance is mine saith the Lord (and the state of Texas!)

Originally posted Friday, October 20, 2006 on Myspace

The latest in my ongoing dialog with my cousin the reporter.....Today's topic: The Death Penalty
First, my cousins thoughts........
His Second Execution... (Seriously)

Bobby Wilcher, convicted murderer went through the execution process today. Again. This time, it took.He was convicted in 84 for violently killing two women. After twenty plus years of appeals, his execution date was set.. July 2006. 48 hours before his scheduled execution, he was moved into a holding cell. It was nineteen footsteps from the "death chamber". 24 hours prior to the execution, the entire facility went on emergency lock down.. 30 minutes before the execution.. The supreme court of the United States said... "hmmm, let's think about this some more" and the execution was called off.His last meal eaten, his last phone calls made, his life was saved... temporarily... That's how we've arrived at today. After the supreme court stopped the execution.. They refused to listen to his case.. So the execution was re-scheduled. That means, back to the holding room, facility on lock down, last meal, last shower, last phone call, and this time... last breath.Do I agree or disagree with the death penalty? I haven't decided. Seems like an easy yea or nay thing.. But I think my problems come with the pomp and circumstance that comes with an execution rather than the actual act of it.Reporters have to practically phut their names in a hat in a raffle-esque kinda thing to view the execution.. This I refused to do. Then, days before the execution, media receives packets full of iteneraries, and menu request. Like it's a damn coctail party. The day of the execution, news stations are breaking into programming to tell people.. "he's now eating his last meal.. when he's done, he'll shower..." There are hourly reports on his mood.I'm not an advocate of criminals being afforded the rights and priviledges of good none crime committing people. However, I'm also not an advocate of watching nor participating in the indignity of making death an event.Fact is, this man served the last twenty plus years quietly behind bars. Most not related to his crime forgot he was even there. Shouldn't his death then been the same way? Quiet without the festivities of a media circus?I'll set the scene.. A group of people sitting in an observation room, checking their watches, wondering if this execution is going to start on time. At the same time, in the holding room, there are no clocks. All the condemned has to go on are the sounds of steel toed boots coming closer. At 5:40 you're strapped into a table with straps strong enough to hold a Kentucky derby winner in the starting gate. Like an outpatient surgery, you feel the anesthetic going in. A tightening of the neck muscles, back heating up, you fight to keep your eyes open. Your breathing heavy. Some bald man in uniform asks if you have any last words.. The phrases you've rehearsed in your head for the last twenty years escape you. You convince yourself you're going to heaven, but deep down, still wonder if hell is where you'll find yourself in eleven minutes.Like him or love him.. even if he killed your mother.. would this ending truely do anything for you? And if it would... What?

Now my response....

Vengeance is mine saith the Lord (and the state of Texas!)....Amen! I live in the state that leads the country in executions. Yippee! Funny, the crime rate has not slowed down a bit....things that make you go hmmmm. :)

o.k. Let's talk about this Death Penalty thing......

Let's start by saying that I am no bleeding heart when it comes to criminals. Some people have done things so awful that I can't figure out why they bothered with a trial (o.k. I don't really mean that, I'm all about the right to a fair trial), but you know what I mean. There are some seriously evil folk roaming around.

It seems that your blog is really about the inconsistency of the death penalty, and the lack of immediacy. If there were certain crimes for which the penalty was always death then the penalty could truly be seen as a deterrent, and it might even be deemed useful. As it is now, the penalty is at best arbitrary and literally non-existent for those with the money to hire a good lawyer.

The worst thing is the lack of immediacy. The guy you talked about in your blog was on death row for over 20 years! Are they serious!? Who but the family cares about his case anymore? By this time, people outside of the case forget the awful thing he did and start to sympathize with the criminal. Does the family deserve retribution? I suppose, but why the delay? Did it really do anybody (including the prisoner) any good to be in limbo for so long? The guy was convicted by a jury of his peers (at least we hope so). Does he have a right to appeal? Heck yeah! If there is a legitimate reason to overturn the conviction get moving and find it. Death penalty appeals should be moved to the head of the list because it's about life and death, but there should be a very short window of time (under 5 years or less) for appeals. Over 20 is just ridiculous!

As for the spectacle of it all, I agree it all seems absurd, but I think they should make it VERY public. As far as I am concerned executions should be shown on TV live. Not as a hype thing, but as a way to expose the public to the brutal consequences. Don't make it a carnival, but don't shield it from the public. There is no way to "tastefully" kill somebody. If you are going to do something that takes a life, do it, do it quickly, do it dispassionately. Get it over with, but don't do it in secret, or simply witnessed by a few "lucky" reporters. Let the people see what WE sanctioned, and then, let US do the right thing whatever that may be.

All this sounds like I am for the death penalty.....actually, I am not, certainly not in it's current form. What we do now is cowardly. It does nothing to deter crime and it is most certainly bias toward minorities and the poor. The minute a rich person gets executed, then I will start believing that the law sees everyone as equals, and maybe there will be a rational reason to support it. Until then, I see no reason to support such a useless penalty.

There you go cousin, my opinion.

Confessions of a hurt soul

Originally posted Monday, March 27, 2006 on Myspace

So, today at church.....now that's a phrase I have not said in about 4 months. Today I went to church for a regular (non funeral, non wedding) service. I have not been away from church for that long in years. As a military brat, I grew up going to church as just a regular part of life. In military communities, going to church is common, but it is a bit of a regimented affair. There was just one chapel to service all religions so, services were an hour and fifteen minutes (max) long to try to serve the religious needs of the entire community. The military churches may seem antiseptic, but they really were extremely close communities and I learned so much from Sunday school and the youth organizations. The foundations that I had were solid and diverse.

Being military, the church was also multi-denominational. All Protestant denominations attended services together, so I learned from Lutherans, Methodists, Episcopalians, Presbyterians, and my own denomination Baptist. I was involved and engaged in church through my teens. In college, I found 2 churches to attend. One non-denominational predominately white church, which was a lot like the church I grew up in, and the other was my first single denomination predominately Black church, Second Baptist, a Missionary Baptist Church (the same as my parents home church). I joined this church. I loved my church and my pastor and was involved with bible study and choir. I continued to attend SBC through the end of college and into the beginning of my career. I am officially still a member, though I have not been back in 6 years.

Something happened in those six years (even before that maybe). Sometime after entering my late 20's and early 30s, I started questioning. I looked for answers for the questions and finding none that I liked, I started doubting. I guess my questions were selfish. They were about me. I wanted to know why. I wanted to know why despite my best efforts to "do the righteous thing", I still did not have the one thing I wanted, a husband and children. Why were all my friends who made mistakes, who lost their virginity early, who drank too much, got in trouble with the law, who screwed up, why were they the ones who now got up and testified at church that God had blessed them and that they now had their hearts desire.

They had their family. I had been blessed too. I had been blessed with a good enough job to live independently. There's the word (independent). I am great at being independent. I am great at making it on my own, taking care of myself. God has blessed me with that much, but not with what I want, not with what I covet (a sin I know), not with my own family, not with somebody to take care of. So, I began to question. I never questioned the existence of God (for me that's a given), but I questioned the rules that everybody (mainline religion) says we were supposed to follow. Somehow I came to believe that if you followed the rules, you could win the "game". You could get what you wanted. You could get the blessing you want. Yet, here I sit going on 36 and the only family I have is my cat! I really love her, so she is a blessing, just not the one I have asked for.

So much for following the rules! So much for doing the right thing. So, for the last few years, though I have continued attending church since I've come to Texas, it has become more and more irregular. I have become very critical of mainline churches. I used to think all my answers would be found there. Now, I don't. I wish I did. I wish I had not lost my faith in church. But I have. Truth be told, I have lost some of my faith in God. That's actually the toughest. I just feel like God skipped me on the "family" blessing, and I can't help but think I have done something wrong, but I can't figure out what. The one thing I want is the one thing I don't have. So, I've been angry. I've been angry for years. I've been angry with my God. And maybe he's been angry with me. I've been disobeying my Lord. I've drank too much. When I'm not doing that, I am engaging in a secular lifestyle. I've not been "saving myself" for the right guy. I'm not the good girl I used to be. I've been a little bad. Am I happier.....not really. Am I sadder.....in a way yes, but not because I think I'm wrong about religion. I think that I am more knowledgeable. I think that as I learn I will find a reason to have faith again. I am sad that I no longer have that childlike faith. I miss that. I want to be that good little girl, but I also have to deal with the anger that I can't seem to shake.

Today, I went to church for the first time in months. Today, I stuck a toe back into religious faith. But I could not help but feel a little out of place. Church, that used to feel like home is no longer that place of comfort. I could not get excited. I felt myself holding back. I could not let go of my hurt. But, I've resolved to go back next week. I'm going to give God a chance to knock down my walls, to heal my bruised soul. I want to stop being mad at the church, mad at my
God. I know that only God can do that.

Forward the "Word" Or Else!

Originally posted Thursday, March 23, 2006 on Myspace

O.k. So I said I would have to blog on Christianity....Here's my first installment. What prompted this was the umpteenth (there's a word I've said often, but never spelled) e-mail that I have received from my well-meaning, but superstitious family and friends with a sweet, positive, mildly or blatantly Christian message which inevitably ends in what I can only view as a threat. They typically sound something like this, "pass this sweet, positive Christian message to at least 10 people or God will know you are a bad Christian!", or, "pass this on and receive a blessing from the almighty!" What a crock! I can't help but suspect that the only reason I have received the email is because the person sending it doesn't want to incur the wrath of God or wants that little free blessing! That is straight chain letter BS!

Now you might say that's a bit harsh. Why not just see it as a nice note that gets you to think about God, or just makes you feel good etc. I guess my problem is this. It always feels like coercion, a God guilt trip, forced evangelism. I just have this feeling that God does not need that kind of help.

Now here's the thing. Sometimes I do forward the nice, uplifting, inspiring things I read. Why not? If it is on my heart to share a word or two that touched me, I see no problem with it. But, and this is the important part, I never, never include the part that insists or even merely suggests that the next person forward this message to anyone. God gives us choices. Forwarding a message is a small thing, but it should always be a choice whether or not to share. I am a big believer in free will. No one gets to tell me how to share my faith. No one gets to threaten me with bad luck, or no blessing, or otherwise losing favor with my God.

So, there you have it, my first righteous rant. Don't worry there's more where that came from!

Funerals and Daddies

Original post Feb. 26, 2006 on Myspace
Blogging is a discipline that like exercise is one that I do not always do well. I've had lots of things that I could have been writing about, but nothing quite got into actual word form. The thoughts just rolled around in my head (probably where they should have stayed). Last week was dominated by three things, a professional conference that lasted from Sunday until Tuesday, my father's 60th birthday, and a funeral.

I'll get to the birthday and the funeral in a minute. Just a note about conferences. Truth be told they are not about learning new things (though sometimes that happens). Conferences are about getting the heck out of your normal work environment for a few days and hopefully getting the opportunity to talk to people who do similar things all expenses paid. In that way my conference achieved its goal. So, having met with colleagues from around the region (this was a regional conference, the national is in the summer and is just a more extreme version of the regional), I headed back home. I was in no hurry. I would have been happy to have had a lengthy though not overnight delay. I had my portable DVD player and a few movies. I was just fine in my own little world. However, everything was on time. Then, jarringly as the plane landed, I was back in the "real" world the work world, the "you have 6 new messages" world.
So, there I was listening to my messages somewhat absent-mindedly when I got the message. The soft voice of my friend/co-worker giving me the news that her 72 year old father had died unexpectedly that day.

I called her as soon as I could. My friend is a "salt of the earth" kind of person who does for others easily and does not except help readily. She is the only child of her mother, the product of a brief relationship between her father and mother. Despite the fact that her father never had custody of her and she never took his last name, she always knew who he was. Everybody in their little town knew him. Though he did not raise her (her mother did an excellent job of that), he always treated her as his baby girl, and she always treated him as Daddy.
Back to the call. I hate calls like this (not that I have had many). What do you say? Whatever it is, it always comes out awkwardly but the basics were something like this: So sorry for your loss. (I know) How did it happen? (Stroke, in his sleep) Is there anything I can do? (Not really, but you could bring my laptop from work). How do you say the right thing on the occasion of the death of a loved one, especially a parent? For her part, she seemed very calm and ever busy. She's a methodical person by nature. This is the reaction I expected from her. Ever the helper, she was focused on planning the funeral. After all it is the responsibility of children to bury our parents.

I went to her mother's house (where she was staying) on Wednesday night and helped type up directions to the church and funeral home for the out of town attendees. We said very little to each other. I only stayed for a couple of hours. It felt like that was about 2 hours too long. I know that it's not true. I know that it is usually good to have someone around when you have a difficult thing to do, but that does not make it feel any less than awkward. I left feeling good for having been able to help a little, but also feeling a bit uneasy, like I was a voyeur looking in helplessly on someone's pain.

On my way home I called my dad; it was the day before his 60th birthday. I normally would have waited to call him on the actual day, but I felt compelled to call him on this day. I wanted to tell him I loved him and that I am very proud of him. I wanted to make sure he knew. Now I have a good relationship with my Daddy. He is an earnest, quirky little man, who always tries to do right. He does not always succeed (no one does), but he always tries. But, he is getting on in years. Oddly, I never thought of my dad as old until recently. 60 sounds old to my ear when I talk about my Daddy. I never thought about Daddy not being in my life. I never thought about having to plan a funeral for my Daddy (or my Mother for that matter).

Despite the fact that I am "grown". I have my own life. I have a good job. I own things. Mommy and Daddy are still the "responsible" adults in the family. As I watched my friend stoically, methodically, sadly work to arrange her father's funeral, I could not help but wonder what it would be like to plan theirs. I seriously got the shudders and my eyes welled up.
I would not know where to begin. I guess I would just start and hope that my friends would help. Maybe they would come over to my house and type up directions to the church to distribute and sit in supportive silence with me while I did the difficult work that must be done. I hope I did right by my friend and I hope I will do right by my parents as she did right by her father for whom she planned a lovely and loving sendoff. She did good for her Daddy. I am sure he was proud of her.

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